People have different ways of coping with having a chronically ill person in their life, just as us sick folk have our own different ways of coping with being chronically ill. Some people rise to the occasion, some people respectfully fade away and some see illness as a vulnerability to attack. This post is dedicated to the people that have left me speechless with the pure beauty of their souls.
Certain moments define people’s character better than any set test ever could, having a sick friend or family member creates one of these opportunities. It is difficult to maintain a friendship with someone who is always tired, who cannot get drunk with you or who is often forced to cancel plans due to health issues. Yet somehow there are people who go above and beyond what is expected of them to do just that, maintain a difficult and unconventional friendship. They know that we will probably never be able to repay them for their kindness, we simply do not have the energy to do so, they just wish to spread happiness – and that you do, you beautiful, selfless people. In a world that is filled with terrorists, homophobes and racists, these people restore my faith in humanity on a regular basis. That is something that should never be undervalued, especially with the state that humanity is in these days.
Last week, as I boarded a plane for a trip home, filled with new doctors and new medications, I met an amazing girl. What started out as a compliment about my tattoo, ended up being one of the richest conversations I have ever had and festered a new friendship that has left me speechless. This chirpy girl had no idea that our newly discovered shared quirkiness and disregard for irrationality was exactly what my bent soul needed to survive. She made me realize that even though I have been labeling myself as boring due to my low activity levels, there were still people that found me interesting. She made me feel like a person, not just a diagnosis. I will try and repay her kindness for the rest of my sick life, even if it just means letting her play with my remote controlled hospital bed. There are very few things a kind soul cannot fix, so remember to never lose your kindness. One day you might give someone else hope, by just being yourself.
There are people that live on the other side of the country, meaning we do not see each other as often as we would like, you know because life gets in the way, yet when we finally reconnect it feels like we were never apart. They do not judge nor question my newly established limitations, even if they do not always understand them. There are people that upon hearing about unnecessary drama in my life, promptly respond with, “whose ass should I kick?” No questions asked. How do I even begin to thank people for protecting me, when I never even asked them to do so? My friends and family are amazing and they keep my head above water. They keep my heart beating emotionally, when I am too busy trying to keep it beating physically.
The last eight months of chemotherapy treatments have made me realize that the quality of the people in your life will determine how strong you can stay during the difficult times. I have often felt too exhausted to be my usual positive self and I am guilty of feeling very bitter about my health situation. I am sorry for breaking down in front of you, when my chemotherapy was extended from 6 months to a year. I thank you for every message of understanding and support I have received over the progression of my illness and treatments. I thank you for telling me I am allowed to feel this way, for telling me I am allowed to feel and for helping me understand that I am allowed to be human.
Very few of the good ones will ever realize or acknowledge exactly how spectacular they are. Their hearts are too exceptional to ever accept such narcissism. I do not know how long my organs will keep up with these harsh treatments, none of us know know what exactly the future holds for us, but I promise that you have made the biggest difference in my life, in a time where I could have lost all hope. It is an accomplishment that should not be taken lightly, especially in a world that convinces us that emotions are a sign of weakness. Your unconditional love, support and understanding has given me so much strength, even if you do not realize it.
I prefer these kinds of people above morphine, above medical marijuana and above any other strong medications the healthy world is aware of. You keep me fighting and you keep me breathing. I hope your life will always be filled with the beauty and hope you have created in mine. Keep fighting beauties, life is beautiful.